Leaving Negumbo, and consequently leaving the Monastery too.

Spoiler alert, yes I did visit a Monastery with the intention to stay for 2 nights and I did leave early. When I was explaining this to the people at the hostel I went to in Kandy, one guy remarked “you went to a monastery and didn’t expect it to be like that?”, well no, I didn’t, oops. My own fault for not knowing what I was doing, but it was a cool experience none the less!

Monday 20th janaury 2025
I slept again until 12pm! I’m like a teenager at this point. So I quickly get dressed, packed and say goodbye to Steph.

I then completed the following missions:

Got a Tuk Tuk to the bus station. Bought some snacks and tried to find food, but after navigating my way to a restaurant via waiting for a train to cross, which was interesting to see as there was only one barrier and people were still crossing anyway. Althougn when the train did come it sounded a very loud horn. Anyways at the restaurant it looked super local and a quick review said it wasn’t very clean.

So I decided get a Tuk Tuk back to Sea Joy, and enjoyed a different variety of their vegetable curry.

I then got another Tuk Tuk to a different bus stop where I could catch a direct bus to the Monastery. The taxi driver was very chatty and as the bus stop was very sunny and on a busy road he carried on driving to drop me in the shade.

He got off and offered to help with the bus. So he stood there and waited with me, and helped me get on the right bus! I was starting to loose faith as one drove past and didn’t stop and it felt like the morning had been a bit of a pickle.

Anyways I got the bus and the nice man next to me tapped me on the shoulder when it was my stop.

I walked up to the Monastery and declined a ride on a random man’s moped (see, sensible). I stood at the golden gates, waiting for someone to appear. I then rung and was not successful. At this point I felt like turning back. Then a family arrived and a lady opened the gates and waved me to follow. They were all barefoot so I took my hiking boots and socks off. Ouch walking on gravel is not for the soft footed.

A nun met me and I showed her my booking and then she asked for my passport. Which was a little concerning. She showed me to my room which had another person’s belongings in, so I was intrigued to meet my roomie, and grateful for someone else to chat to.

I feel so bad because this young nun told me her name but I can’t remember it. She showed me around all the beautiful shrines and statues. She explained stories of generosity, how a man had a glorious elephant and out of generosity gave it away, he then gave his kids away and then his wife. But the man who asked for his wife gave her back to him, and said he couldn’t give her away again. The children then came back and the wife’s breast’s started spouting milk. (I’m sorry if I have butchered that story to any Buddhists amongst us).

At all the shrines the nun would bow, and I followed. I didn’t want to be rude, but I also felt like a fraud.

Afterwards I went back to the room and cried. Lol. I felt very out of my depth. I thought it would be about meditation but it seemed pretty heavy on the worship side of things… duh because it’s like one of the oldest Buddist monasterys!

Everyone started an evening Worship, which comprised of sitting in the Buddah shrine with a man’s voice chanting through a speaker. It seemed to go on for what seemed like 2 hours. I wondered how I’d cope with sitting up right for that long. I went and read a book on Buddah and learnt that these Mahamevnawa Buddist Monasterys were the center for the world wide dissemination of the Theravada Buddhism. The intention to create an organisaitom where pure teachings of the Buddah can be learned. I felt at ease when reading “it is a warm welcoming place for everyone to investigate true happiness through Dhamma and meditation”. But I guess the bit that said “They observe strict practice of the monastic discipline” was what threw me off course.

I was getting paranoid that I’d taken the book my room mate was reading so went back to say hello as the worship had finished. Jina was so friendly and said she was onto a different book so it was all good. She told me she’d been here for a few days already and had visited a Monastery before. I was happy to have her confidence and warmth and would soon be so appreciative that she was here also.

I read some more, ensuring to obide the rules to not read laying down or put the Buddah book on the bed or floor. There was also another rule about not letting spiders make cobwebs in the rooms which seemed strange. I could have done with some cobwebs as there was soo many mosquitos!

Jina and I sat and chatted and then went to sleep ready for an early morning rise!

Tuesday 21st January 2025
I’d had an okay sleep and woke up to the sound of music. Maybe from outside or from Jina’s alarm. Either way it was a nice song. It was 4.22am, surprisingly I didn’t feel too tired. We got ready and headed to the morning worship. We had to climb out of the window because we couldn’t open the door, which added some early morning amusement. We went into the Buddah shrine, with a big Buddah statue, surrounded by golden vases of flowers and beautiful chandeliers hanging to illuminate the place. The guide book said you could take a cushion, and I’m so glad I did. I could sit for about 20 minutes in each position, and thankfully Jina told me last night that she moves around, and not to put your feet towards Buddah. The Nuns were singing and it sounded beautiful. Jina had a song book and showed it to me, I politely declined as I can’t even sing in English let alone another language. Jina later told me that it has English translations, so she is sometimes just reading. Oops. That would have been interesting to read. I chose to sit with my eyes closed, and managed to sit fairly still and try to calm my thoughts or think about things. This lasted an hour and at the end there was lots of bowing. This is what I’m struggling with. I feel a bit like a fraud to bow to Buddah. I know if anything it’s respectful, but it just adds to my feelings of not belonging. I don’t really have any religion, I went to Christian schools growing up, and had a phase of praying to God and lighting my baptism candle, but that all dwindled away, probably when I grew up and starting committing sins!

It was raining and still dark, Jina said we could usually offer to help clean but due to the weather this wasn’t happening. I felt like a lost puppy and followed Jina wherever she went. Jina went and held a pretty orange umbrella, decorated with gems whilst two Nuns carried offerings to Buddah. I felt like I was standing around like an idiot so got scared and went back to the room.

I really have some sort of issue with feeling like I look like an idiot, and not knowing what I’m doing. Does this make me a control freak?

I laid down in the safe haven of my bed and read about the Vipassana meditation course that Amy and my cousin Luke have taken part in. Amy thought this place would be like that, but I’m inclined to disagree.

Jina said we could go and help with offerings at 6.45am, so off we went. I was given the pretty umbrella to hold whilst Jina and a local lady who came to help with her family walked under carrying offers for Princess Yaśodharā (Buddah’s wife). We started to walk, barefoot on the gravel which must take some getting used to, and a nun lowered my brolly so as to protect the food. Once at the alter the plates with fruit, and small dishes of the breakfast meal (Dahl, rice, etc) were placed in front of the statue. We then walked back and the local volunteers were preparing the breakfast. Jina told me yesterday that there is no cooking, all food is offered from the local people. Everyone was busy and I hated standing around not knowing what to do, and looking unhelpful. Again I followed Jina around like her shadow, not like the 31 year old confident person I can be. I do not like this change in persona.

Finally we get given a job, standing at the table to serve the Nuns. Also there to help is a local family. The Nuns walk in procession and we start to plate up their food. They tell us if they want less by using a hand gesture, and cover their bowl to signify they don’t want any. The food available was rice, noodles, spicy coconut mashed up (I really wasn’t sure what this was on first sight, Gina said it was coconut, although it did look like mashed up meat), fish (which I mistakenly took as aubergine when I plated up for myself), yukka and Dahl.

The Nuns then take a seat and around the corners of the room. Jina told me that the water jugs are spread out in colour order, but she didn’t know why. She also informed me that you always serve from the left side (as a hierarchy thing I guess).

After everyone was fed we cleared away the bowls, and went around with fruit offerings. I had a bowl of grapes on offer, Gina had papaya and there was also yoghurt pots.

I was back to floating around not knowing what to do. So I thought I’d start to wash up, how hard can that be, can’t go wrong with washing up. Turns out yes you can. I’d done all the big bowls, and then the small dishes from the statue offerings came in, and I carried on as normal (washing with a sponge and soap, rinsing) and then was told to not do it like that, and had to exchange the soap for a very similar looking soap.. and wash.. then rinse. I dunno it confused me as I thought that’s what I’d done. I was then told to preserve water, which stung as I was running the tap every so slightly, and one of my phobias is water being wasted !! It all got to me and my eyes started to leak. I should not be standing here crying over the washing up. I left and got some tissues and came back and dished up my own food. I started to cry again when talking to Jina about it, so that really wasn’t very helpful whilst trying to eat.

An older nun asked if I was okay, I said yes.. how can you even explain that you’re crying over not doing the washing up properly. When really the feelings are more than that, they are feelings of insecurity in a totally unknown environment. Feeling like you’re out of your depth, when what you really wanted was a calming experience.

After food Jina and I spoke which was very calming and she asked it I wanted a Tarrot card. I drew one and she translated it from German.

The nun who showed me around yesterday came to tell us we could meet another nun to teach us about Buddah. She also asked “are you leaving early tomorrow” and in my paranoid head I’m thinking that she’s asking that because she wants me to leave because I don’t belong here.

So off we go to the Alms hall, a big space with floors so shiny white they look like they’d got water on them. We get a chair and 2 stools (you must always sit lower than the nun) to sit on. The nun (sorry I don’t know their names) starts with asking us “repeat after me” pause..  she says it again and then again .. so we say “after me” .. and obviously she didn’t mean that, she just wanted us to repeat the words that followed. So we did and she started to teach us about Buddah. I was facing the sky and she asked if the sun was too bright and we moved positions, which I thought was very nice. She continued to talk and I nodded and smiled to show I was listening. She said how Buddism cannot be understood in one life, it takes many lives. How all our actions have consequences. It seemed like the main thing was to not kill anyone. Which seemed to me like general knowledge, not a religious belief. She told a story of a boy who asked Buddah why some people are ugly and some are beautiful, and that is all to do with their actions in a previous life. I was taking it all in and she asked “are you getting any of this” … to which I said yes. As I was genuinely listening. This set the water works off again. Which was highly annoying, Jina told her that I was sensitive and she did a meditation. Which was calming. She chanted about being free of anger, jealously and mental illness. If only that was the cure for whatever was going on in my head!

I then tried to be even more smiley with more nodding when she told us that we should expect to get old, expect death and that we should accept it. She said that we should not kill each other or animals. Jina asked about eating meat, and she replied that if you know an animal has been killed for you, then you can’t eat it. But other wise it’s fine. An animal in a shop that’s been killed is dead already. So yeah that’s an interesting stance on that for sure. When she’d finished talking she asked again “did you understand that” and I said yes as was taking it all in. This made me cry again, and I started to think about how I just needed to leave.

I came here to have a calming experience, do some meditation, not feel out of place and insecure.

I spoke to Jina which was nice as she understood and she suggested I drink some tea and see how I feel. Instead I booked a hostel in Kandy and packed my bags.

I came away after leaving a stressful job that made me cry, I didn’t intend to start my holiday off crying when I have every opportunity to leave. It’s not like I came here to find myself or complete a challenge, so I feel happy that I’m leaving early and not putting myself through unnecessary stress. Maybe if I’d stayed and stuck it out I’d have got used to it, because it is only my first time doing all this. And yes this is probably a terrible blog post, it’s hardly inspiring, empowering or noble. But it’s me, honest and putting my happiness first.

I had to ask for my passport back and felt so bad, I didn’t want them to think it was a negative experience due to them, or Buddah or anything to do with them at all. It was my own feelings. And as the nun who greeted me said “it’s your first day, you’re going to feel out of place, I felt out of place for 6 months” … at this point in the afternoon I did feel a little better, but I’d already handwashed my sheet ( which made me question how clean they actually were of that’s all everyone did with a lil soap and water) and booked a hostel in Kandy.

I still learnt a huge amount in that short space of time. A particular point ” most of the suffering people experience results from their own actions. Their own judgements and unbashed arrogance”. I am in awe of these ladies who give their life to worship to earn good merits for a good afterlife. It really is an astounding way to live, they rotate to different Monasterys every 6 months and follow a very disciplined life. I think if I’d have known what I was attending it wouldn’t have been so overwhelming. So my lesson is to read a bit more before booking things on the other side of the world.

A real experience though that’s for sure!